


Never Fall In Love

by always_abridesmaid



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: BUT!!!, Cheating, F/M, Im so sorry y'all, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, This Is Sad, This is so angsty, Ugh, but it's like 2500 words long, funfact this straight bitch in my grade suckx, grab ur tissues bitch, i can't even tag it boys in love :((, i have a fluffy fic coming out, i should be exiled from the fandom, in case u didn't know tho angst is my specialty, oof this is upsetting, so thanks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 16:59:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18035564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/always_abridesmaid/pseuds/always_abridesmaid
Summary: Never fall in love, because everything that falls, eventually hits the ground and breaks.





	Never Fall In Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is really angsty, i apologize. I will be writing more fluffy fics, and have a fix it fic coming out soon so have fun guys!!

Peter knew he had fallen in love when he got drunk off the way Jason looked him in the eyes, or the way that Jason kissed him on the forehead every morning. He knew it from the way his heart beat faster whenever Jason pulled him to the side and pressed kisses against his neck, whispering sweet nothings and calling him baby. 

 

Peter knew he had fallen in love when he realized that his knees went weak when Jason winked at him, or the way the highlight of his day was when Jason pulled him closer at night and called him his soulmate. Peter knew he’d fallen in love when Jason whispered in the hallways about them being together forever.

 

Peter knew he had fallen in love when Jason arrived at auditions for Romeo and Juliet and his heart swelled. When Jason connected their hands and held them together for a couple of seconds when Sister Chantelle announced the roles. When Jason peppered kisses to his neck and bit his ear as Peter spoke on the phone to his mom. When he screamed Jason’s name in pleasure that night as Jason squeezed his hips as tight as possible and pulled his hair. 

 

Peter thought Jason had fallen in love when Jason gave Peter his shirt to borrow for the rave. When Jason told him that he wouldn’t have the shirt on for long while kissing his jaw. When Jason danced with him at the rave, arms around his waist, head held high. When Jason pulled him close, Peter had reached up to kiss him. He had doubted that Jason loved him when Jason wouldn’t let him. 

 

Peter thought Jason had fallen in love when Jason had told him they had to be kept secret. When Jason pulled him into his lap and handed him a promise ring. When Jason’s hand crept up his thigh and rubbed soothing circles there. When Jason told him that they didn’t need to pretend when they were alone, how Jason was real with him and only him. 

 

Peter thought Jason had fallen in love when Peter told him how he felt. That night, the night of the rave, tears in Peter’s eyes. “ _ I love you, Jason, _ ” he had whispered. Jason didn’t answer, and for a minute Peter had doubted it was the right time. But then Jason brushed his hair out of his eyes, grabbed his cheeks, and kissed him hard. 

 

Peter was scared of falling in love when he had to go to confession. He had wondered if the church was wrong. Him falling in love was a sin. He was scared, what if everything went wrong? His feelings were so strong, and everything strong had to become weak. The priest told him not to question anything about the church. But Peter was questioning if the priest was correct.

 

Peter doubted falling love when Jason pushed him away. Peter had only been trying to get Jason to dance with him. Their song was playing, and Peter felt so woozy and fuzzy inside. Maybe it was a side effect of the weed, or maybe it was just Peter being lovesick. When Jason had asked him what was wrong with him, Peter only giggled, leaning into Jason’s touch.  

 

Peter doubted falling in love when Jason told him to lower his voice. Peter wanted to shout it, he loved him. Why couldn’t Jason see that? Jason told him to stop acting the way he’d been acting. Peter nearly screamed, but instead, his voice broke when he muttered out, “ _ Like what, your boyfriend? _ ”

 

Peter doubted falling in love when Jason ditched him to go play tonsil hockey with Ivy when became second best in his own boyfriend’s, his soulmate’s, life. When he went outside accidentally high on pot brownies to see Matt offering him wine. Peter thought, what’s the harm? He took a couple of sips, feeling the alcohol go down his throat and the only thing that came out was “ _ It sucks to be ignored. _ ” When Matt told him he felt the same way. When Matt and he started dancing and Matt asked him who usually leads. Peter went on his tippy toes and Matt leaned down just enough for him to hear. Peter whispered in his ear, “ _ Jason does, I’m in love with him. _ ” Matt only walked away.

 

Peter believed in falling in love when the Virgin Mary appeared in some sort of fever dream. When her backup dancers sang a song about him coming out to his mom like it was a normal thing to happen. The mirage had told him it was okay to be in love with another boy, that it was okay to fall in love. He had some hope.

 

Peter hated falling love when Jason stayed over at Ivy’s. Peter, after throwing up outside and having his weed and wine induced vision, had gone back to their room and waited for him, but Jason never came. When Matt and Jason fought at rehearsal and Jason’s face darkened when Matt called him a faggot. When Peter asked him what happened, even though he knew he was the cause. Peter told Jason his vision, and Jason only laughed. Peter wanted him to come with him for spring break, he wanted to tell his mom. Jason only grabbed his wrist and said they were going to be late for class. Jason thought Peter was lying. Thought he was kidding, but Peter had never been more serious. He watched in horror when Jason’s eyes darkened as he told Peter what his father would do to him “ _ You’re all I have, don’t you get that? _ ” Jason didn’t. 

 

Peter hated falling in love when Jason pushed him. Peter was on the floor, clutching his wrist when Jason told them they needed to stop. They only had three months left. They could survive! Peter missed the boy who he believed, the one who he thought was in love with him. He had followed him. Falling more and more in love every day. Peter wondered where the boy was who used to comfort him through panic attacks or stay with him and kiss his shoulder during nights where he couldn't sleep. Jason was yelling at him now, something about their fairytale being done. How Jason wasn’t his prince anymore. Peter couldn’t hear anything clearly, he felt like he was underwater as Jason glared at him. Peter was sobbing, choking on tears. “ _ There’s no such thing as heroes who are queer. _ ” Jason had told him to promise not to tell anyone. Peter wouldn't.

 

Peter hated falling in love when he’d lost his hero. When he was calling Jason, trying to speak to him. Trying to get him to hear him. Jason ignored him, or at least Peter guessed he was. Peter lost all courage after the fifth call, and let it go. He definitely didn’t want to though. He knew Jason only left because he was scared. Peter just didn’t know how to save him. 

 

Peter wanted to feel loved when he came out to his mom. When she cut him off every time he started a sentence. Peter had just wanted to scream “ _ Mom I’m gay! _ ” And he nearly got the words out, but she cut him off. She hung up, with barely a word of goodbye. Peter had curled into a ball on his bed in Lucas’ room that night and wished for Jason to be there. To bring him into his arms and tell him it would be alright. 

 

Peter regretted falling in love when Jason said he missed him. Peter had been set on ignoring Jason for the rest of his life or at least ignoring him as much as he could. When Ivy was absent for the third time that week. Peter’s breath got taken away whenever Jason started his lines. Diane forgot hers, and something took over Peter. Peter came in, countless nights spent going over lines with Jason coming into his brain. When be world stopped, and Peter and Jason were so close. But Ivy entered the room, and suddenly Peter didn't matter.

 

Peter regretted falling in love when Jason said he didn’t sleep with her. Six years of Peter being with Jason had led him to know Jason was lying. But he wanted to believe him so bad, he wanted for them to be okay and move on. So he did. Then Peter was straddling Jason’s lap. Jason sucking hickeys into his collarbone and biting his neck. Jason’s name had rolled off Peter’s tongue as Jason thrust up into Peter. Peter woke up with Jason gone, and he pretended it didn’t hurt. 

 

Peter regretted falling in love when he was outed. He had trusted Matt. Ivy was pregnant, and no matter how hard Peter had tried to believe Jason’s lie, there was no denying it now. Peter wanted to yell at Jason for using him, wanted to scream about how Jason was fucking him an hour ago, and ask if he was just a toy to him. Peter didn’t regret it, the secret had to get out somehow. Jason asked him for help, and Peter, no matter how much he wanted to, couldn’t. He wouldn’t be able to look Jason in the eyes without wanting to kiss him. Peter had thought Jason had fallen in love, and he was right, but it wasn’t with him. 

 

Peter fell back in love when Jason asked him to run away with him. Peter couldn’t hide anymore, and the woozy feeling came back when Jason had his arms wrapped around Peter’s shoulders. Peter felt Jason’s lips brush his neck, and Peter almost turned around and kissed him again. He almost agreed to run away, as long as he was with Jason. But instead, he pushed him away. Feeling his heartbeat decline, the show was beginning. Peter walked away and didn’t look back. He almost wished he had. 

 

Peter fell back in love when Jason reminded him of the day they met. When Peter remembered it too, he just smiled. He missed those days when everything was simple, and he could just cuddle up in Jason’s arms and let the world fall away. Jason ran his hands through Peter’s hair and he felt shivers up his spine, he missed Jason doing that too. When he would sit in Jason’s lap and Jason would play with his hair to help him fall asleep. Those were the nights he fell in love, even more, the nights he yearned to have back. 

 

Peter fell back in love when Jason told him he loved him and Peter loved him too. Peter had waited so long to hear Jason say that. Peter knew the show started in a minute, and Jason didn’t look well. Jason pulled Peter close to him, holding the other in his arms as tight as he could before pulling away and grabbing Peter’s face to kiss him. Peter felt himself melt and felt himself go all the way back to the first they kissed. He would give anything to have that back again. 

 

Peter missed being in love when Jason said he was fine. Peter knew he wasn’t and they danced, and Jason collapsed. It was like the room went in slow motion. Peter, who had been watching Jason, trying to make sure he was okay, ran to his side. When he placed one hand on Jason’s cheek and the other on Jason’s hand, holding it as tight as he could. Peter was sobbing, Nadia had grabbed Jason’s other hand and Ivy ran to get Sister Chantelle. Peter tried to place his forehead against Jason’s. Praying for Jason to live, he loved him. This was his soulmate. Matt had rushed over too, frantically trying to perform CPR on Jason. As if that would help him. Jason was too far gone. 

 

Peter missed being in love when Father tried to tell him how to feel. Peter didn’t know why he had gone. Maybe he was trying to make sense of everything. Make sense of how fucked up everything got. Peter couldn’t help but think it was his fault. Think that maybe if he hadn’t pushed Jason to come out, or maybe it hadn’t tried to kiss him at the rave, or maybe if he hadn’t gotten high at Ivy’s party, he and Jason could be together. He couldn't shake those feelings, the feelings the maybe Jason wouldn’t be dead if he had just tried harder. When Father called Jason  _ a friend _ Peter had almost corrected him. Because they weren’t just friends as Jason wanted all of them to believe. Peter was done with Father trying to tell him what was right, he needed Father to see his own consequences. A kid, his boyfriend, his soulmate, was dead because he went to get guidance and got pushed away instead. Peter missed having Jason there. Missed just always having his presence around, he missed being able to turn at night and curl deeper into Jason’s chest. He missed being with him. They were so in love, and although it was a  _ sin _ , it made Peter feel safe. When Peter heard father apologize, he couldn't stop the words from leaving his mouth. Whether they were true or not. “ _ And I forgive you, Father _ .”

 

Peter missed being in love when it was time for Jason’s funeral. Which they had to hold on graduation. Jason should’ve been there, whether he was holding Peter’s hand or just smiling at him during his valedictorian speech. Peter just wanted him there. Peter had blinked back tears as Nadia spoke, but could barely make it through before he started sobbing. He couldn’t do it. He loved him more than anything. Ivy had gone to make a small eulogy about the baby. And then Matt, Matt had to go. Matt was the valedictorian now. Matt obviously hated it, Peter didn’t blame Matt for this. How was Matt supposed to know Jason was beginning to spiral downwards? Peter could barely walk up to the stage to make his eulogy. “ _ How did a simple love, become complicated? _ ” He had said, he truly didn’t know. He and Jason were just them. They loved each other and it was simple. Peter didn’t know when all the mess became clear. Or maybe it was a mess all along. Peter didn’t know how Nadia did it, but she somehow got their parents to write the word  _ soulmate  _ on Jason’s marble gravestone. It would’ve made Peter smile if he wasn't so heartbroken. His mother hugged him tightly after his eulogy, telling him that he would be okay. But Peter always would think about, when Peter stood up on the stage, making his eulogy about his best friend, and boyfriend, and soulmate. And he almost said the words, somehow keeping them from spilling.  _ Never fall in love, because everything that falls eventually hits the ground and breaks.  _

  
  



End file.
